heartpours

I lost it! I lost my jhumka! One from the pair the other one is still there. I searched and searched and searched And I woke up again, in sweat teary eyed..again from the dream that still remains incomplete.  Ten years ago, I remember exactly .. we  stood on marine drive , we were in a crowd but we felt like only the two of us stood in this universe we were in mad love afterall.  That jhumka was the one I wanted, since months , he new it .. I don't know where he got it , but he did  take these' he said 'they would look so good on you' I looked at his hands, a small box, what is it?  'earrings' your favourite jhumkas I happily did , offcourse I too had something for him it's so typical of me , he knew it , obviously it was a book  Wrapped in a soft pink paper. We knew we both had something to say There was just one question. And the box of ring he carried in his bag , I knew it.. he does a bad job at hiding things . I see it often when he asks me

Not knowing what was wrong Was it the over thinking Or no thinking at all  I wish we go back in time and fix things  But I'm happy I'm healing I wonder Wouldn't it be lovely To love the right one I'm happy I fell out of love  For the peace, of my mind And my heart that broke  For the piece, or hundreds of them I'm happy I'm not stuck  At a still place , in a time pause if we did  A golden cage, a window with bricks, lost time

The architecture, the smell  the vibe the smile The buildings The peace while walking Every person , educated , thoughtful and grounded Doctors walking around not with a sheer pride Like it's such a normal thing To hold a PhD And to lecture a class With the students as bright as stars It makes me feel so little In the buildings flooded with books And books  And novels And poetry And every thing under this earth  Beyond imagination It will take hundred lifetimes To absorb and learn  Sometimes I wished  I was a vampire I could go back to these universities Every 5 years  And drown myself In this ocean of knowledge In the libraries  In the classrooms In the books In the old trees and architecture  And I feel at home  To run my hands  On the pages And feel so little Like a grain of sand Under the ocean  Like I would never know enough Even if i read for a hundred years  There will be so much  Left undiscovered My heart feels at home  Everytime I come here 

I think the coffee was too bitter for him Or his lunch not as neat  Or the nights that I couldn't make him happy Because I bled  I thought I was the reason he was late Or in the other womans arms he lay  Wide awake  Knowing that I was the one waiting at the dinner table I know he didn't leave for work every morning But it was me that he left. Just as he tried to escape the house He knew he couldn't escape himself The ignored messages and uneaten lunches  The lipstick smears  When all I ever wore was bruises Some on my cheeks,some on my chest  And for that I was the one to blame..

Relationships shouldn't be labelled, there are no tags to love , boyfriends can be unloved and a stranger could be loved to the end of our lives.. some love cannot be labelled. the person just matters to you.... laughing until ur stomach hurts and tears roll down your cheeks... and where everything gets blurry between the tears and lines of friendship and love and a path that leads to the future and the stinging past left behind.. when we wasted so many years without knowing each other we would never get back.. we wasted so many precious minutes fighting and not once we thought this could be few of our lasts.. not once we thought something that started with a simple hello would get us here.. and not once we thought the simplest road would lead to our never-ending talks and a goodbye would lead us to a teary blurry mess between the friendship and love and a path that we left behind and a stinging future that awaits us.!

One day I saw her singing and dancing, And guess what? I couldn't stop glancing She was the epitome of beauty Oh damn what a cutie! I decided to approach her She was yet so smart and clever I made a good start And already won her heart  She ran her hands through my hair  And we talked about everything sitting on the stairs We kissed under the bright moon  And besides the deep blue lagoon I proposed her with a ring of diamond She accepted it with in a second We lived together Cared for each other I wished she could see her reflection  What an absolute perfection One day she came and held me tight  And whispered "I could gain back my eyesight" I was so happy for her I had goosebumps and tears This was the moment we waited for years  But I was really scared for me I was as ugly as anyone couldn't be  I started to shake  I prepared myself for the heart break  She came running and hugged me , pecked me on the cheek  Looked into my eyes and said " I love how my soulmat

Motherhood is a choice Pain for some, and for others rejoice But this is what people don't understand They think it's always a dreamland Trend of fertility tests before exchanging the rings  Makes me feel nothing less than cattle to breeds  They say the want a inheritor for their property Yet all their bank account has a lakh or three Only women have the power of creation they say  But is it wrong if I want to live my own way ? What is with this unecessary glorification We all know our country's population People love to call us names  "Barren" or " too carrier oriented" they say  For how long I've secretly been taking pills  Risking my health because I can't pay the child's bills Because not wanting a child is a crime  Dosent matter if its takes my health and time  Sometimes having a uterus feels like a mistake Like my womb is my only stake  Almost half of the women have postpartum depression "My mom had 5 children and yet she was happy

Every morning I wake up  And wait for your text  No it's not a one sided tape Just someone I like the best I think about you once in awhile Oh I'm kidding, often about your smile  But what can I do other than wait? For you to propose and open the gate. That's what I've heard for long  In every book and every song  Women don't make the first move  It's something that men have to prove  Still I try to make the smallest efforts Walking instead of taking the bus, though my legs hurt  Just wanting a chance to talk  And your profile, so many times I stalk  You said you'd call But seems like you forgot afterall  I knew I could have called you But it's not something women do  Let's normalise asking guys out  Cause why should women die with a doubt So I hope you are free next weekend Let me take you for a coffee then!

That day it rained warm blood everyone was drenched  Streets were muddy with a weary stench. Pickles went rotten and the houseplants burnt with the blood soaked wood..  everyone frowned in disgust at the blood red moon who burnt alive the men who tried to touch my sisters. The elder women of the house still frowned at this misery and told the women it was their responsibility. It was still the women who highlighted patriarchy .. a few good men had no blood on their hands .. are they real men society asked.. the rain would stop only when the women wish.. they were told to forgive and end this but the times had change .. no women would stop the rain until the Society changed We only have two demands , to let us live is the first one , and the way we want